kaskeyihtamowin (being filled with longing; yearn; bereavement; homesick)

cyanotype treated jacquard cotton, prairie sage from treaty 6, aluminum chain. 8.75×11.25”

Working with the image of St Michael’s made me realize how much of the intergenerational trauma we face in our family is the direct result of this place. I initially swore I would never create art that works with this subject, because of how potentially harmful and fraught with trauma these places are. However, once I started working with the imagery, I started to feel like my grandmother was with me and I was being urged to continue do the work to heal these historical wounds.

The cyanotype print used the same printed image of St Michael’s, only this time I laid sweetgrass, the aluminum chain, and a sage bundle over the image. I then sewed the aluminum chain over the sweetgrass exposure, and sewed the prairie sage over the bundle exposure.

The chain lifting off the rooftop of the school and moving into the sweetgrass braid felt indicative of moving from the chains of trauma into a path to heal and let go.

Using prairie sage from our homelands in the grass at St Michaels felt like the closest I could get to physically putting down medicine for all the victims and survivors.

It’s hard for me to explain how clearly it felt like nôhkompan was with me during the creation of these exposures, but I truly felt like a conduit and she was helping me do the work and create the pieces in a way that brought the most healing and freedom.

When I think of kaskeyihtamowin, it embodies all of the emotions I feel frequently. I often yearn for and long for my homelands, and feel homesick for a place I’ve never lived. However the added complexity of bereavement helps explain my feelings of loss and longing, not only for my grandma, but also for a past that never was, a present that can’t be, and a way of life we no longer have access to.